Monday, May 31, 2010
Patience, Trials, and the Blessing of the Gospel.
It has been an interesting week since Marcus left. Marcus was doing well in Mexico. He has already been recruited to play piano for church. What can I say, he is talented and people notice. One of the wonderful things at church was Marcus received a blessing from the bishop. It was ward conference and the stake president there figured out why Marcus was there and that he was having a hard time. He didn't ask Marcus if he needed a blessing, he just set up an appointment with the bishop and just told Marcus he needed a blessing and that an appointment has been made. Marcus and I found this humorous yet wonderful at the same time. Marcus did need it. It was also nice that he received a blessing because Marcus was able to give me one right before he left. It has helped so much. I cpuld dea; with Marcus being gone so much better than I was expected, especially with trials that have already happened since he had left.
When Marcus left , I was pregnant. Honestly, I wasn't that far along. Only a few weeks. But, both of us were ready and wanting this baby and so it made things even harder for Marcus to leave. Because last time I was pregnant it didn't go so well. Well, it didn't go well this time either and we lost the baby. Through loosing the baby, I really didn't know what to feel. I was really pissed off. Mostly, because Marcus and I have had a hard couple years already and would really enjoy a break and just have something go the way we wanted it. Well, that when patience comes in.
President Uchtdorf gave a talk to the men of the church during the last general conference. Today, Karen came over to visit and she brought up how wonderful his talk was. President Uchtdorf mentions on how both children and adults have a hard time with patience. Through this miscarriage AND Marcus gone, I really have to learn what patience is. I really want Marcus home. I hate going to bed by myself and coming home to an empty apartment. I missed his touch and his warmth when he is close to me. And of course I just missed kissing his face off. What can I say, I like the guy. But, from this I learned that
"...Patience is far more than simply waiting for something to happen-...patience is active waiting and enduring even when the desires of our hears are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!"-President Uchtdorf
I don't thing that could be worded any better. It totally makes sense. My hearts desire is to be a mother. I really want a child to love and raise, and I really wanted my husband to be home to be with me. I love him and I always wanted to be near him. The thing is, Heavenly Father knows his children better than the children knows themselves. He will never EVER give you more than what you can handle. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me if these trials of loosing a baby again and Marcus being away, is preparing me for something bigger. Maybe God is examining my reactions and how I am dealing with what I am going through right now to see if I can handle something in the future.
One thing that I know for sure, through all trials and hardships, is that I am not alone. Heavenly Father blessed me with wonderful people to take care of me, love me, and watch over me. Actually, to watch over both Marcus and I. We are always taken care of. First, we are taken care of by our families. My parents and his parents are watching over us and help us when we need. We have our friends, whom right now are making sure that I have a place to go if I am lonely. Also, we have the most wonderful blessing of the Gospel. Being able to receive blessings to provide us comfort or even healing, whether it is physically or spiritually. To be able to be comforted by the knowledge of being sealed in the temple knowing that Marcus and I will be together for time and all eternity. Marcus is truly my eternal companion and that always makes me so overfilled with joy. And most of all, what Jesus Christ did for us. Suffering in the Garden and dying for our sins and then conquering death. I mean, of all of the blessings in my life that has to be the greatest.
I just need to remember, through all trials and hardships, that I have these blessings and the thing I need to do most is show Patience.
P.S. Thank you to everyone who is helping us through all of these trials. It is appreciated and admired more than you can ever know.