Monday, February 13, 2012

A beginning of a journey.

217.8 pounds. WAY TO MUCH! Yes. I am publishing my current weight in a blog. Why you may ask? If I publish it, it holds me accountable.

Today, I decided I am going to start a new journey. Weight loss. I don't know how many times I have started this. Too many times to count. The last full side view I had in the mirror at my parents house I guess would be the motivator. I actually cringed when I saw myself. Rolls, pudge, muffin top in the front (mostly from having a baby and a belly that won't even TRY to go back), completely disgusting. My self esteem has plummeted down since having Lydia. I feel like my self image is just horrible. I hate how I look. I feel tired all the time.

Now, my goal isn't to be skinny. I have no desire really to be skinny. I want to be small enough were I feel confident in my skin. I want to feel confident enough that I don't have to worry about if my belly is hanging over the front of my pants or not. I want to feel confident enough to feel that I don't have to wear a cami that is a size too small underneath my clothes to hold my gut in.  That is where I want to be.

Honestly, I fee like that size would be around a size 10 or a size 12. Goal weight around 50 pounds putting me around 170. That is still technically "overweight" for my height, but if I can get there, I can decide if I want to loose more or not. The goal is to loose around two pounds a week. The goal is to eat less, eat regularly, and drink lots of water and to count calories. But, I am not really sure how to count calories. Do I need a scale for meat or anything?

I also want to reward myself for every 10 pounds I loose. Not sure what that is exactly yet.  Here are some "before" pictures. I am praying the "after" ones are way better. I just die looking at these pictures. Marcus says I am beautiful and sexy, but honestly I don't see it. I am glad he does.

Anyway, there it is. It is official.



  1. You can do it girl. Marcus is right that you are beautiful but I get not feeling that way...ESPECIALLY after a baby! They just change your whole body and the way you feel in it! I feel like I started to lose the baby weight and then I got pregnant AGAIN! AH! I have to start all over again. I'll be right there with you (in a few months) but I'm cheering you on NOW!!

    1. Oh thank you Danielle! I am glad I am not the only new mommy that feels this way. I just hate it. I was overweight before but my stomach didn't sit like that. So at least then I could tolerate myself. I will cheer you on too Danielle! At least you like to run! :)

  2. You'll get there...also, just make time to do things that make you happy. At any weight you can find things wrong with yourself, but you'll feel way better if you're making time to do little things for you. I think you're pretty too, much as I hate to tell Marcus he's right, because it will make his head swell, he is! :) I love you and call me if you're having a bad day or whatever. Been there, done that and still do.

    As far as rewarding yourself...don't reward yourself with food, you're not a dog. :) hehe...but a new shirt, or after 20 a new pair of jeans (can't do that every 10 or you're constantly buying new jeans and they're 'spensive), I'm 3-4 pounds from getting the tattoo I've wanted for quite a while.

    What else...OH if you get discouraged easily, don't weigh yourself every day. Julie does cause she says it motivates her and keeps her on track, but I make myself crazy if I do it and start to obsess. If you cheat a little don't say "Oh screw it I'm eating whatever I want the rest of the day"...cause then one day turns into a week, etc.

    Oh I dunno...just ask if you need anything, lol...You'll do awesome!

    1. :) Thanks Jen. That means the world to me.