Small, but Significant Blessings: September 2011

As you have read in my previous post. Life has been stressful. And yesterday wasn't much better. I forgot to pack Lydia a bottle when she was being babysat, so we had to go buy a bottle when we literally have no money from a mistake I made with our finances earlier last week. Go me. And it only got worse. But I did have a wonderful concert playing with the Hastings Symphony Orchestra.

Anyway, my mother has sent me this poem/prayer for comfort. She always knows what I need to read and hear. I hope I become half of the mother she was.

Oh give me patience when wee hands,
Tug at me with small demands.
Give me gentle, smiling eyes. Keep my lips from hasty replies.
So in the future when my house is still,
No bitter empties it's rooms may fill.

"There is a reason I know this prayer by heart. Hang in there."

I will never forget the love and support my parents have always showed me. I am not going to lie, we have had our tough times, but yet what parent and child have not had hard times? I mean, seriously? But no matter what, my Mom and Dad have always showed love towards me. I will never forget how wonderful parents they are still, and how blessed I am for God blessing me with such wonderful parents.

Love you Mom and Dad.

Many wonderful things have happened since Lydia has arrived. She has been such a little blessing in our lives, but yet, I find with her as a blessing, I have been having some major struggles with her as well...

Lydia is going to hate me for posting this blog when she is 13.

Lydia has been a struggle for me since she was born. I don't know if it is just adjusting to being a new mom or being far away from my close friends and family. I just don't know. She seems to be really colicky to me. She would scream constantly from 7-11pm every night for the last few weeks. I took her to her wellness check last week. Turns out the little kiddo was super constipated which caused really bad gas for her. (This is why she will hate me when she is 13.) The doctor said that she has been backed up probably for a couple weeks. Which, explains a few things. Also, she managed to get thrush and then pass it to me, which made feedings uber fun as well. We are both over that now though. Yay.

I tend to find working with her to be overwhelming. Every time she cries I feel my stress level shoot through the roof. I want to go just hide in a corner when she cries, yet when my husband wants to help me with her, I tend to not let him and not share the load with him. So, even when I am really stressed and overwhelmed, I can't seem to let my husband help. I don't understand. He wants to help, but I won't let him.

I seem to have a hard time as well with the demands a baby has and what my body has. When she cries I need to nurse. It seems that I don't have my own life anymore I guess. I am at my daughter's beckon call. I always knew that would be the case, but I didn't think it would be so hard to adjust to it. I couldn't imagine how demanding a 5 week old baby is. Along with her demands, I have to comply with demands of my home, my calling at church, my animals, and my husband. I have to keep up with the house, take care and show love to my pets, and of course be a compassionate, patient, and loving wife to my husband. Playing with a symphony, means I have to keep up with the demands of playing my horn at the level I am supposed to be. Also, I do have a new job. It the most stressful job, but I have to meet those demands as well. I am overwhelmed with demands.

I know that I am not that different than many other first time moms, or even moms with more than one child. I know I am not the only one with family far away, and living in a new place. I really miss my family. I miss my friends back home. I miss having church 15 minutes away at most instead an hour drive. I miss the drive out to my folks place. For some reason, I am just having a difficult time dealing with it all.

Don't get me wrong. I do love my daughter, the town I am living in, and the new ward I am attending. I would do anything for my daughter. Even though I tend to feel stress when she cries, when she is feeding and looking up at me, I see so much innocence in her. So much trust. She is so beautiful. Marcus doesn't like this, but I love to have her beside me in bed and just snuggle with her all night long. I love protecting her. And my heart aches when she isn't feeling well because of gas, thrush, constipation, or if I don't know what is wrong, but I just know she isn't feeling well.

Also, the people of this small town are so supportive. Many people know we are new in town and that our families are far away. They have thrown me a baby shower, even if I wasn't exactly sure what their names were. I have had people stop by just to see how I was doing. Also, I mentioned to someone how since Lydia was born in August, I have a lot of warmer weather clothing, but have nothing for these cooler rainy days. She went out and bought some little fleece outfits for her. People in this town have even went out of their way to help us move at the last minute. Even though, it is a small town, and people talk, I have yet to hear someone say a bad word about anyone. People genuinely care about each other in this town. And I love that.

Honestly, I am really having some struggles right now. Prayers are appreciated. But, even though I am struggling with some things, there are blessings. I just have a hard time finding them sometimes. I am a new mom who is new with infants in general. But I wouldn't trade my little girl for anything.

Anyway, here is an update with life. Labor day weekend we went back to Lincoln and had our daughter blessed. It was a great day. :) Many family and friends met Lydia for the first time. Also, it was her first Husker game. Also, right after Lydia was born (one week) we had some family pictures taken. Here is a sneak peak and some pictures from the events of Labor Day weekend.