Struggles vs. Blessings

Many wonderful things have happened since Lydia has arrived. She has been such a little blessing in our lives, but yet, I find with her as a blessing, I have been having some major struggles with her as well...

Lydia is going to hate me for posting this blog when she is 13. 

Lydia has been a struggle for me since she was born. I don't know if it is just adjusting to being a new mom or being far away from my close friends and family. I just don't know. She seems to be really colicky to me. She would scream constantly from 7-11pm every night for the last few weeks. I took her to her wellness check last week. Turns out the little kiddo was super constipated which caused really bad gas for her. (This is why she will hate me when she is 13.) The doctor said that she has been backed up probably for a couple weeks. Which, explains a few things. Also, she managed to get thrush and then pass it to me, which made feedings uber fun as well. We are both over that now though. Yay. 

I tend to find working with her to be overwhelming. Every time she cries I feel my stress level shoot through the roof. I want to go just hide in a corner when she cries, yet when my husband wants to help me with her, I tend to not let him and not share the load with him. So, even when I am really stressed and overwhelmed, I can't seem to let my husband help. I don't understand. He wants to help, but I won't let him.

I seem to have a hard time as well with the demands a baby has and what my body has. When she cries I need to nurse. It seems that I don't have my own life anymore I guess. I am at my daughter's beckon call. I always knew that would be the case, but I didn't think it would be so hard to adjust to it. I couldn't imagine how demanding a 5 week old baby is. Along with her demands, I have to comply with demands of my home, my calling at church, my animals, and my husband. I have to keep up with the house, take care and show love to my pets, and of course be a compassionate, patient, and loving wife to my husband. Playing with a symphony, means I have to keep up with the demands of playing my horn at the level I am supposed to be. Also, I do have a new job. It the most stressful job, but I have to meet those demands as well. I am overwhelmed with demands.

I know that I am not that different than many other first time moms, or even moms with more than one child. I know I am not the only one with family far away, and living in a new place. I really miss my family. I miss my friends back home. I miss having church 15 minutes away at most instead an hour drive. I miss the drive out to my folks place. For some reason, I am just having a difficult time dealing with it all. 

Don't get me wrong. I do love my daughter, the town I am living in, and the new ward I am attending. I would do anything for my daughter. Even though I tend to feel stress when she cries, when she is feeding and looking up at me, I see so much innocence in her. So much trust. She is so beautiful. Marcus  doesn't like this, but I love to have her beside me in bed and just snuggle with her all night long. I love protecting her. And my heart aches when she isn't feeling well because of gas, thrush, constipation, or if I don't know what is wrong, but I just know she isn't feeling well. 

Also, the people of this small town are so supportive. Many people know we are new in town and that our families are far away. They have thrown me a baby shower, even if I wasn't exactly sure what their names were. I have had people stop by just to see how I was doing. Also, I mentioned to someone how since Lydia was born in August, I have a lot of warmer weather clothing, but have nothing for these cooler rainy days. She went out and bought some little fleece outfits for her. People in this town have even went out of their way to help us move at the last minute. Even though, it is a small town, and people talk, I have yet to hear someone say a bad word about anyone. People genuinely care about each other in this town. And I love that. 

Honestly, I am really having some struggles right now. Prayers are appreciated. But, even though I am struggling with some things, there are blessings. I just have a hard time finding them sometimes. I am a new mom who is new with infants in general. But I wouldn't trade my little girl for anything. 

Anyway, here is an update with life. Labor day weekend we went back to Lincoln and had our daughter blessed. It was a great day. :) Many family and friends met Lydia for the first time. Also, it was her first Husker game. Also, right after Lydia was born (one week) we had some family pictures taken. Here is a sneak peak and some pictures from the events of Labor Day weekend. 

Lydia's blessing dress was made by Sister Donna Lamont from my new ward. The dress was made out of my wedding dress and was made to resemble it. 

Lydia's blessing day with Grandma Janet and Grandpa Scott. 

Auntie Jenni with Lydia

Auntie Kaylin with Lydia

Grandpa Scott holding his beautiful grand-daugehr and Auntie Kaylin striking a pose. 

Grandma Jeanette and Grandpa David with Lydia

Family Picture on her blessing day

Grandpa Scott with Lydia on Husker Game Day!

Family Picture on Husker Game Day

One of Lydia's newborn pictures

One of our family pictures. I can't wait to see the rest. :)

Blessings are found through Challenges right?!

Even though I am sure there are blessings all over the place, life seems exceptionally difficult right now.

The landlord put our house on the market this summer when they said they weren't going too. They also said it probably won't sell. Well, guess what. It did. We weren't even told an offer was made on it. There for we had 30 days to get out of our already new home. We just got settled. Goodie...

So life was really stressful because of that. EVERY REALTOR around said all the rental houses were full. I also learned that many rentals are through word of mouth. I called around town and again nothing. Even if we had a lead we would call a day too late and just miss it. But, there was a blessing of eventually finding a house. It was for sale and they are friends from school who had to move away. They heard of our situation and told us we can rent it for 9 months. Then they would have to put the house on the market again. But hey, guaranteed home for at least 9 months. Woo!  And rent is cheaper too. I will post pictures of our again new home when we actually move. Which should be this Friday. A week to pack up our house and get going. YIKES!

Along with the whole stress of moving, I am now in my 40th week of pregnancy. My due date is this coming Sunday, August 7. I am wiped out beyond belief. And I can't even afford the time to take a nap because I have to much to do. Sad face. :(  Anyway, Lydia is being stubborn and hasn't even dropped yet. Hopefully she comes soon. Mostly because Marcus starts school on the 9th for teacher in service and  school actually starts on the 15! So Come on Lydia! We need you to come soon!!

Marcus is also uber stressed due to some wonderful things at school. Besides needing to inventory all of his sheet music, his computer was stolen by a student. It was recovered, but most of his work from the last few weeks has been wiped clean off the computer. So he has to redo a lot of his work he has already done this summer, on top of that adding on his sheet music inventory and just getting ready for school in general.

Also, this is more for a vent... but I really think more people should have heard "The Law of Consecration and the Law of Sacrifice" lesson that we taught the Young Women this past Sunday. I am not going to go into much more, but it makes me upset that people are not willing to sacrifice for you when you have sacrificed for them. Especially during an extremely stressful time in life.

Venting Over.

Anyway, I know there are blessings. I mean we were blessed with a new home very quickly. My daughter is still healthy and strong, even though she makes Mommy feel miserable.

Another blessing is that Marcus and I have a great grasp on communication. Stress levels are super high right now. We are both exhausted from lack of sleep (mostly because he is freezing from the thermostat being turned WAY down and his wife tossing and turning all night long because she can't get comfortable). We are both stressed with this moving stuff, and his computer being stolen, and school starting, and blah blah blah. Anyway, the blessing is, is that since we both know we are stressed, if we snap at each other it is forgiven pretty quickly, or not even bothered with at all. We have started asking each other if we are "open" meaning, are we in a mood we can discuss something without getting offended. And if we aren't we say so, and we bring the topic up at another time.

We also needed a washer and dryer for our new place. Which we have no money to do. Well, we were blessed with one. Thank God!!

I am blessed with an amazing doctor. She really knows her stuff. She is amazing. Love her very much.

Also, I am blessed with a great community. Many people have offered their help. Thank you!

I am also blessed with the people of the church. They are willing to drop everything to come and help us move at the last minute.

I am also blessed with a loving family who lets me call and complain to them so I can get things off my chest. They are super supportive.

Blessings usually come from challenges. I kinda just wish they would just come on their own. But I guess then you don't learn either. The best lessons in life are from the challenges we face, which turn into the biggest blessings we can ever receive. Just need to be strong enough to see it and just keep trucking.

Karin Marie