A beginning of a journey.

217.8 pounds. WAY TO MUCH! Yes. I am publishing my current weight in a blog. Why you may ask? If I publish it, it holds me accountable.

Today, I decided I am going to start a new journey. Weight loss. I don't know how many times I have started this. Too many times to count. The last full side view I had in the mirror at my parents house I guess would be the motivator. I actually cringed when I saw myself. Rolls, pudge, muffin top in the front (mostly from having a baby and a belly that won't even TRY to go back), completely disgusting. My self esteem has plummeted down since having Lydia. I feel like my self image is just horrible. I hate how I look. I feel tired all the time.

Now, my goal isn't to be skinny. I have no desire really to be skinny. I want to be small enough were I feel confident in my skin. I want to feel confident enough that I don't have to worry about if my belly is hanging over the front of my pants or not. I want to feel confident enough to feel that I don't have to wear a cami that is a size too small underneath my clothes to hold my gut in.  That is where I want to be.

Honestly, I fee like that size would be around a size 10 or a size 12. Goal weight around 50 pounds putting me around 170. That is still technically "overweight" for my height, but if I can get there, I can decide if I want to loose more or not. The goal is to loose around two pounds a week. The goal is to eat less, eat regularly, and drink lots of water and to count calories. But, I am not really sure how to count calories. Do I need a scale for meat or anything?

I also want to reward myself for every 10 pounds I loose. Not sure what that is exactly yet.  Here are some "before" pictures. I am praying the "after" ones are way better. I just die looking at these pictures. Marcus says I am beautiful and sexy, but honestly I don't see it. I am glad he does.

Anyway, there it is. It is official.

Karin

I can't even believe it!

My little girl, my darling little girl will be 6 months old a week from today. Where did the time go?! Oh, and on top of that SHE IS ALREADY CRAWLING! Too Soon!!! Our dear friends, Brenden and Julianne Rensink took her 6 month pictures last week. She was such a cute little bug! This picture is one of MANY wonderful pictures. I don't even know which one to choose for her 8x10 for the living room. Oh, the choices.

There has been some work changes in this household. I am now substitute teaching at least two times a week for the towns school district. I really like it. I enjoy getting out of the house a few times a week and helping out and hanging with the kiddos. I am even debating on going back to school and getting my teaching certificate. Prayers are welcome for that big decision. Geesh... I always seem to be making those.

Oh, in good news, on January 24th, we finally got our Pt Cruiser back! OH, my gosh I can't even tell you how excited we are to have our car back.

Marcus is in full swing with his band program. The band will be heading to Kansas City this coming may to compete at Worlds Of Fun! They are going to look super sharp in their new band polos the school bought for the program. May is going to be nuts! This band trip, graduation, Kaylin's bridal party shindig, and her wedding. Then a week later I believe Marcus and I are going to be helping at a band camp. Oh the business never ends.

Well that's a short wrap up on what's going on in our lives. I'll try to get back to updating this more. I have way more pictures but I just don't feel like posting them. They are all on Facebook if you are friends with me on there.

Anyway, God Bless.

Karin

Rudolph's Girlfriend got ran over by a PT Cruiser and other Christmas adventures...

This Christmas break has been quite an adventure. I had perfect plans for the occasion. We would leave Thursday morning, go to my parents, play a Christmas Eve service, get Lydia dolled up for her first Christmas, and celebrate at four different Christmas parties! We were booked!

Oh, of course, when you make plans... life happens. Ugh.

Pretty ain't it?

Wednesday, the night before we leave for break. We head to church for mutual with a fresh pan of brownies in the back with a sleeping baby, then BAM! I see a doe do a spiral into the ditch. Then smoke starts bellowing from under the hood. Marcus turns off the car immediately and steps out to see the damage. Radiator completely dead, hood bent up and the grill smashed in. There was no way we were going anywhere that night. Luckily, we have made some wonderful friends in this town and my friend Terrie came and picked Lydia and I up while Marcus talked with the cop and tow guy. Oh, another fun thing, when we hit the deer she didn't die. We just broke her back. So the cop had to shoot her. Oh joy...
We wont be getting our car back until the week of Jan 13. So we have a while.

Along with everything else, Charly, my wonderful puppy dog, found my pump. I guess she wanted some milk... I don't know. Anyway, she chewed the valves on it to bits. So, now my pump didn't work at all, which added so much more stress. You have no idea. I ordered the parts, but they didn't come for at least a week after that happened. This made breast feeding a little more difficult. (I hate nursing. I don't know why. It stresses me out so all I do is pump. This situation really sucked!!)

Well, my wonderful mother picked us up the next day to take us back to Lincoln, since our car was out of commission. Since our car was technically in a wreck we also had to get a new car seat for Lydia. STRESS!! But, we finally were on our way back to Lincoln to start some Christmas festivities.

Christmas was wonderful. Our child was spoiled rotten! She got so much stuff! She got a jumperoo thingy from her aunties Kaylin and Jenni and Uncles Chris and Chad. She loves it!

 I can't seem to get a picture of her that isn't blurry... she loves it though!

Christmas day was spent with my in-laws. My brother-in-law and my niece were both sick. Neither of them had fevers so we figured it was food related. We were wrong. The next day I started getting sick. The day after I was sicker than a dog and had to miss some more Christmas festivities. Then Marcus was sick the next day, then my mom and dad, and my grandma, and, and, and.... Now Lydia is just getting over it. Instead of the 48 hours we had it, she had it for four days. Poor girl.

Oh, my sis Jen got engaged on Christmas. Kudos to her. SHOUT OUT! Congrats dude.

Well, finally it was time to head back to Franklin on New years eve. We thought everyone was healthy but NOOOOO. I got sick again. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

Well, finally we make it back with a borrowed car. Christmas just plan wore me out this year. But, I have the most wonderful gift of my family. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love them all.

I just love this picture!

Anyway. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and I pray that this New Year brings many wonderful things. God Bless!

Karin

An Ode to my Husband

Once upon a time, in a Midwestern liberal arts university, a farm girl met a boy who would change her life forever. They met in band. He a double reed, and she a brass player. Two different families. You would think it would be like Montague's and Caplets with the instrumentation, but true love it was and always will be.

The two completed each other. After dating a mere four months they knew they were meant to be. The double reed proposed the FIRST time to the beautiful brass player, she was thrilled. Of course it wasn't "official." They just knew they wanted to get married. The double reed player proposed probably a 100 times after that. Eventually in the following September, he actually used a ring. :P

It may be hard to believe, but this is a true story. Ha! This is an ode to my wonderful, adoring, hard working, compassionate husband, Marcus. Three years ago, we got ourselves hitched. Yep. I fell in love with this guy.

He is my everything. He completes me. His commitment to me, his patience with me (which requires a lot), his faith in the Lord, everything. I need him. He works so hard to support us as a family and he is such a wonderful father to our daughter Lydia. 

December 20, 2008 was one of the most wonderful days of my life! Probably number one of course. :P That day at 2:00 p.m. we were sealed for time and all eternity in the Winter Quarters temple in Omaha. I love knowing the fact that it isn't death do us part for us. It's a Forever thing. :) It was cold. Bitter cold. 

-10 degrees with wind chill. The roads were frozen over and our cheeks were pink. My feet froze and I had to change my shoes. It was a beautiful white winter wonderland. It was cold. It was perfect. 

We fit each other. His level headedness and the capability to think things through FIRST compliments my impulses to do things. He is more timid with things while I push him to get out there and have fun. Not that he isn't a fun guy... HE IS BLAST! But we compliment each other well. We are a team. We always tend to work on all issues together. Whether it is finances, his teaching job at school (I swear I am basically his assistant to the band. I don't mind :P), dishes, cooking, cleaning, our child, we do it all together. We get through thick and thin with each other. We always support each other in our endeavours. If we have a hard time, we always try to work those things out. 

I don't know what I would do without him. I can't even imagine my life without him. I think about my past relationships and the heartbreak I felt with them. It makes me excited that those relationships didn't workout and I was able to learn from them. Those relationships prepared me for the most perfect man I could dream of. I love him so much. It isn't even just love... it's even deeper than that! It goes so much deeper within the inner depths of my soul. He completes me. 

I don't think I could ever fully explain how much I love him. I love how he gets addicted to pointless computer games (like a killer bunny or something), how he has to show me every YouTube video that he finds humorous, how devoted he is to his music and that he needs my input on what he does with his bands, how he is like a little kid at times and doesn't clean up all the flour after making bread :P, the list goes on. How he "tolerates" my animals (even though you would find him cuddling with them...) that's a fun one. I especially love how loving he is towards our daughter. How he plays with her, speaks Spanish to her, I think I love that the most about him. Being a father. 

I can't believe how much has happened these past three years. We have lived in FOUR homes (two apartments and two houses), we have gotten a kitty, we graduated with three degrees from Nebraska Wesleyan total, we have worked a combined of 15 different part time and full time jobs, he has travelled to other countries for his Spanish degree, we got a dog, we went through 4 cars,  we lost babies, we had a beautiful baby girl, the list goes on. We have had many trials and many wonderful blessings. It is crazy and that isn't even all of it! We have been on such a wonderful adventure and I cannot wait for what eternity holds. I can't believe what we have gained from it all!

Marcus, mi cielo, mi vida, mi corazon, you are my everything and I don't think I could ever be without you. Good thing we are in this together for the long haul. I can't wait to see what eternity holds for us. I love you Marcus, and I always will.

Happy 3rd Year Anniversary!!

With love from your adoring wife,

Karin Marie

"Live Life with... Gratitude"

Why is that so hard for people to do? Live Life with Gratitude? Sister Isernhagen from church gave me a, I guess, wood thingy? That says that statement on it. I have been thinking about it a lot. It sits on the table that our TV sits on, so I see it just as much as I watch TV. So... often. :)
I have notice I have complained a lot.

I hate this house
I hate living so far away from my family
I hate being far away from my friends
I hate being poor, like really poor.
I hate how far I have to drive to church.
I hate my body.
I hate, I hate, I hate.

I really need to turn my attitude around. And it has been a struggle. I notice how much I complain to my mom, my husband, and even just people around here. Not gonna lie, I still have a hard time with some of those things, but this shouldn't be the attitude I should be having. God has blessed me with so much. Even though I don't particularly care for the house, a family went out of their way, took their house off of the market so we could rent it when we needed a house and fast. And with when it comes too living so far away from my family, it is not even a day's drive. I could go in the morning and still spend most of the day with them. I guess the draw back is the gas to get there and back, yet they help a lot with that. I miss my friends. I have made some friends here, but not like what I had in Lincoln. I haven't made a lot of friends my age, and if I did, they live at least an hour away, which is too far of a drive to go to just "hang out." It does seem to me that we are really struggling financially. We are super poor. Yet I look around, we have TV, we each have a cell phone, we have furniture, I guess I have a bad attitude. Yet, this attitude keeps coming back. I am so down in the dumps about it. I swear I am just running around in circles about this. I mean, I find these blessings, but I see what a toll they are on us. We want to get rid of TV because of the outrageous bill, but we can't get out of it without paying hundreds of dollars in termination fees. We have looked at changing our cell phones, but we are stuck in a stupid contract. Yes, we have these so called "blessings" but they are also weighing us down. We are trying to make better financial decisions, but we are just stuck.

I started writing this blog to try to change my perspective. To make my self see blessings and such. It is just not working this time I guess. So, sorry for the negative post. I usually try to stay positive.

Live Life with Gratitude.

You know, there will always things I will be grateful for. I am grateful for my amazing, hardworking husband, my beautiful little girl, my pets, my family, the friends I do have, and for the church.

I am not sure where to go from there. I guess I will just leave with this.

I am trying to Live Life with Gratitude. I guess some days are just harder than others.

Karin Marie

Through the Simplest of Times, through the Hardest of Times, I will always have my family.

The first thing that keeps coming to my head recently is why is it so hard to be thankful for things when you are really struggling. Marcus and I were talking a little about this last night. We know we are not the only ones struggling, but sometimes it sure feels like it.

We were putting up our Christmas tree last night. We find this Christmas to be really special because of a new special family member, Lydia, will be joining us. :) We finally got the tree up and we found that part of the stand was broken. Marcus Krazy glued it back hoping it would work. It kinda did... it was a little wobbly. Which made me nervous because a little girl is rolling now and I didn't want her to run into it and have it fall on her. NIGHTMARE!!! Well, we found some weights to put on it. It was a little lop sided but it would work.

We really enjoyed putting the ornaments on the tree. Going through memories. Our tradition is to give each other an ornament every year. Usually, the commemorate something that has happened that year. Well this year I gave Marcus a #1 Teacher Ornament with some music drawn on it to celebrate his first year of teaching. He gave me an ornament of a kangaroo holding a joey with Lydia and I's names on it. And of course Lydia got her first Christmas ornament from us. :)

Lydia's First Christmas Ornament from us, my ornament from Marcus, and you can't see it as well but Marcus' ornament. I drew music on it which if played is the Franklin Flyer's Fight Song.

Then 3:30 in the morning, we heard a crash. The tree fell. The star (my favorite part of the tree) landed on the dog pillow. So it wasn't broken! yay!  Put, now I am in the process of taking our tree completely apart to put in the trash can. There is no way to fix it. Not how I wanted Lydia's first Christmas to go.

The Star is Saved!!!

 

How I found our tree this morning

So, add that to the list of struggles. I know many people our age struggle financially. Of course it gets even harder during the Christmas season. Why? I don't know. I find it to be really bad timing. Anyway, I  found it to be really hard to look for blessings. Lydia sleeps in the dining room right now because there really isn't a bedroom here in this house. It is so bright that it is hard for her to sleep. I can't really turn off the lights or anything. They are not even on right now and she is crying when she should be asleep. We want to move so bad. We felt forced into this house. Yet, I need to remember that we are blessed that we even have this house. Some nice people who were selling it took it off of the market for us so we would have a place to rent since we had to move at the last minute. We have a roof over our head. We have heat, and water, and food. The most basic things, but why must it be so hard to thank our Heavenly Father for those things?

Well, there are some things I am very grateful for. A year ago today, Marcus and I discovered we were pregnant. After 40 weeks of growing my little peanut, she comes to join us in August. I was thrilled! We had some ups and downs with the pregnancy and delivery, but we have a wonderful, happy, baby girl. I will never forget how grateful I am for her. I am so thankful for her and I love her so much. She makes me so happy! She fills my life with so much joy.  I can't believe how much she has grown! Just this pass weekend she learned how to roll over. She cannot be contained anymore. :)

In the above pictures she was on the play mat. As you can see I have a little escape artist on my hands! 

I have so much to be thankful for. Sometimes, it is just hard to see those blessings. Really hard. But I couldn't be more thankful for my beautiful little girl, my adoring most wonderful husband, and my family. Without them, life would be so very hard. This next picture says it all!

So true! Everyone is Thankful for her! :)

Well, the rest of this is just a fun picture of Lydia while she was taking a nap and a video of her talking that I just want to share.

In the simplest of times, and in the hardest of times, I will always have the blessing of my little girl and my most wonderful husband. I am so very blessed.

Karin

How I found Lydia sleeping in her bassinet yesterday

Have a Wonderful Holiday Season!

Lydia having a very serious conversation with her kitty.

Happy 3 Months to my beautiful little girl!

I honestly don't even the last real post I wrote. I think it was about Gus Gus. I am just too lazy to go back and check.

Lydia is 3 months old today! It is so weird. It seems like she came an eternity ago, but yet it doesn't seem like that long ago at all! It just feels like she has always been apart of us. Probably because she always has. :) I love her to pieces! I can't believe how much you can love a little person.

She is such a happy girl!  Today while I was at school on my lunch break Marcus was making some faces at her. She thought it was hilarious! I love her little giggle! I have never heard her laugh so much! I loved it. And I am sure her daddy did too. 

The past few months I have been working as a HeadStart bus monitor. It doesn't pay much. But I can bring Lydia with me. I thought that would be great. I wouldn't have to pay for daycare. Well, it was at first. She would sleep the whole time. She was also four weeks old when we started riding the bus. Well, now she does not like being strapped in her car seat and it messes with her schedule. She can't eat or sleep when she wants too. I have to wake her from her nap before I have to leave to make sure she has a full tummy when we ride the bus. Half of the time she doesn't even eat. She isn't hungry. It is hard to feed her a bottle on the bus because I have to get up a lot to strap in kiddos. So I have to keep taking the bottle away, which makes one unhappy baby. So, I figured I would rather pay for daycare, and start subbing at Franklin. At least she would have a consistent schedule and I can even bring a little more income in. Which is a win win.

Halloween was a lot of fun. This was the very first year we have had trick or treaters. It was a beautiful night and we decided to sit out on our deck to hand out candy. Lydia was even in some skeleton pajamas that our friend, Terrie, gave her. She even gave her a little Halloween outfit. Pictures of that to follow. :) We even carved a pumpkin. It was so fun! I love this town! It was so fun seeing kiddos I know. 

Lydia in her outfit next to our first carved pumpkin!

My favorites. :)

Last weekend we had to run out to Lincoln. We stayed with my folks and I decided to ask my mom to take some informal family pictures of us. Mom took the first picture of Lydia in this blog. That was her 3 month picture. :) We tried to take some family pictures too. It took a couple tries. 

This was one of the takes. Charly was being indecent and Marcus was trying to fix her. I was laughing because Charly wouldn't cooperate. Lydia has her eyes closed. I am thinking this just might end up being our Christmas photo after all. :)

This one was the keeper.

Finally a good picture! It took a lot of shots to get this one. Even Charly is smiling! Yay! I am happy with this one. Great job, Mom! :)

Well, that is an update of our lives right now. I love my little girl and my husband so much. I couldn't ask a better family to spend eternity with. :) I am blessed to have the most wonderful husband and daughter in my life. I don't think I can ever love them as much as I do now. Even though it seems I love them more and more everyday!

Karin